For the Love of Money

L: Do you remember that wonderful, twirling feeling you got in your tummy when you are waiting for that new someone special to call? From the moment you met you couldn't stop thinking about him, what he likes, what he doesn't like, what kinda tricks you were going to need to pull to hang onto your new catch...don't frown and criticize, you know you did it too.

K: Truer words were never spoken. Unfortunately, I am doing that now and finding it an 'oh so' tired dance. But now it has me thinking...do we really choose our partners for love anymore? I know folks say they choose for love, but that love seems to need to come wrapped in a Tiffany Box right down to the big white bow.

L: I can see that...don't get me wrong, I'm not critical of anyone for the choices they make...to each his own and all that. BUT...with that said, I acknowledge that we may be returning to the way of the gold digger...Yep, I said it! I am not suggesting that anyone, male or female, should marry or mate down, by all means soar high...feel me? But I don't think it is fair either for anyone to latch onto another person purely because of their financial situation. I mean really...if you are carrying a price on your head doesn't that make you a kidnap victim demanding a ransom or at the very least a paid companion?

K: Paid companion, mail order bride, high priced call girl, dominatrix...it's a slippery slope. lol We may need to examine the previous practices a little more to really give adequate background to how we even got here. Arranged marriages often require dowry payments in advance. So the idea of payment before marriage is really not that far-fetched.

L: K, I feel you on the arranged marriages, but I feel like that's a bit different because both parties are aware and agree. In the world of the gold-digger, their mate is none-the-wiser and the poor thing doesn't see it coming. Next thing you know they are out in the street, pockets hanging out empty with a cup asking for spare change...I mean really...it's awful isn't it? On the other hand, if the one holding the bank knows that this is the main reason their mate is attracted to them and wants them anyway...does that make it ok?

K:  "Ain't nothing goin' on but the rent!  Got to have a J.O.B. if you wanna be with me...No Romance without Finance!"  Girl, Gwen Guthrie was really serious! LOL  All things considered, yeah its cool.  To quote George Bernard Shaw, "Lack of money is the root of all evil."  It isn't delusional to expect to live better together than we do apart.  We are all adults here so the fact is while love is grandiose, money is comforting.

It Ain't Trickin' if You Got It

L: Ok, so isn't it crazy how social networking has become the number one way to connect, hook-up and flirt, etc.? LOL...Remember back in the day when being social meant actually being face to face, lustful, googly-eyed convo with a real person? And people you called friend were people you actually knew? When even an ol' skool hoe came face to face with a dude first? So K, imagine my shock to hear about these girls selling their goodies on Craigslist? Talk about socially networking LOLOL...According to "Dirty Cash", a special I watched on MSNBC, this is a new trend emerging especially among college girls who want to make some quick and dirty cash. I know it sounds really crazy, but I'm so serious. These new school companions are cyber-hoein' themselves by providing their phone numbers and other random info so they can be ordered and delivered as easy as cheap takeout. All that's missing is the two-for-one coupon.

K: Wow, L. I am flabberghasted by what you are saying to me. Not the part about prostitution. I mean that is the oldest "profession" in history, but more so by the choice to use Craigslist and maybe other cyber outlets to peddle skin for money. So it's like a whole generation of girls were not taught to be wary of strangers. All the warnings to not engage in promiscuous behaviour go unheeded. It is one thing to have cyber porn available, but meeting strangers via internet expressly to exchange sex for money. Man, I can just shake my head. But this leads to another interesting twist. If selling sex for money is dangerous via any medium but specifically via internet. What about internet dating? Wouldn't the same caution apply?

L: HECK YEA, I think it does apply. Truth be told, I always thought internet dating a bit suspect. Let's be logical...like without all the fluffy foofy faux romance depicted on matchmaking site's commercials showing these awesomely lucky people finding their "soulmates" and all because they checked all the right boxes on the form :) Snarky? Yeah I'm snarky! I mean, I get it. I realize that if they expose incidences with negative outcomes that may have occurred through use of their trusty, virtual matchmaking tool sales might fall off a bit. But to be fair, I do think these commercials should have some fine print, warning label or escape hatch. But what can you say...capitalism at its best, exploiting and preying on the broken and lonely hearts out there frantic they may never find the "one"...and no longer trusting their instincts throw caution to the wind and at the same time could be putting themselves in danger.

K: Everything appears to be of the instant,  "Add water and stir" variety. There is supposedly a common sense to meeting a person from the internet. Like meeting in person in a crowded place, etc. Even with that being the case, there is a real disconnect between meeting people in person vs. the anonymity of a cyber-manufactured persona. The real ad for the internet should be "Be whoever you want to be! We won't tell!" :-) Hiding behind technology so they don't have to be their true selves. Folks fall in love with your avatar, once they are invested it's the gotcha - gotcha!

L:  The scary part is that means even the craziest bird in the sky can hide behind that avatar and prey on some unsuspecting person.  I guess the morale to the story is, hold on to your head before you lose your heart and make sure you know who you're dealing with...face to face or online.  Keep it tight and safe ladies :)

Can We Give Her a Standing Ovay?

L: Today was one of THOSE days. Do you know what I mean? Of course you do! When you worked like a dog, doing the job of four people and only being paid for one. When no matter how many buildings you leapt over in a single bound, bullets you deflected with your awesome bullet deflecting bracelets and fires you put out with your built-in trusty, handy dandy fire putter outer...LOLOL...it was just never enough. Well that's the day I had and in the end everyone tells me I should...ready? wait for it...wait for it...BE POSITIVE and be grateful I have a job in this economy. Not that I'm saying I am not happy to be among those to maintain their regular direct deposit, because I am. But what if I just want to be ANGRY? Mad as HELL! Pissed to the highest level of PISSIVITY! I can't because the world won't let me. Yep...ya heard me...they won't let me because somewhere along the line it became practically un-American to express anger over just about anything. Everything has become so darn positive that we celebrate death, disease, unemployment...hey you name the problem...we need to celebrate it. Doggonit that's right, throw a party for that newly unemployed husband and father of four...because this is something he should embrace rather than be totally depressed and disgusted about.

Even when K and I first introduced this blog, we were told that we shouldn't sound so ANGRY and don't use the word SAVAGE because it sounds ANGRY LOLOLOL...sometimes we even hold back from saying what really needs to be said...oh like the TRUTH, because it can be perceived as too harsh. When did this happen? When did we become a culture so afraid of an emotion that is not "positive"? Why do we always have to turn our frowns upside down, when in reality we might be experiencing something in our lives that warrants our whole entire face, mood and body to wrenched in a frown. I mean really...really???

So imagine my delight when I'm reading this months Elle magazine which features an interview with author Barbara Ehrenreich, titled "Positively Perverse", who is or has just released her new book Bright-sided. I won't go into any depth here because I have not yet read the book, but trust...the Savage women will be all over this. She talks about this very phenomemon where individuals who have been diagnosed with life-threatening diseases are constantly told to think positive thoughts and she frankly discusses how ludacris that notion really is. I mean sure, it probably does the patient some good to try to stay in good spirits, but I'm telling you right now if I'm diagnosed with a disease that could possibly end my time here on Earth...I'm gonna be mad enough to smack the spit out of the doctor's mouth. That's my word!

She also discusses the prosperity based worship trend that we see that claims a positive attitude with God will certainly yield riches and/or wealth etc, which puts us all in charge of our destinies and what happens in our lives purely based on our positive attitudes. So what happens when you're Miss Shenehneh Sunshine all the time and still you lose your job, your home and your car? Now what?!? Based on this positive thinking culture we're creating, Miss Shenehneh must keep thinking good thoughts and good things will come to her. I wonder if she has enough money left to buy a bridge that I could sell her :)

Anyway...I just needed to rant about that right quick because some days are just bad days and if one really believes in the true balance of life and the universe, that's a totally normal occurence. Just like some days it's sunny and pleasant others are rainy and mess up your hair...life is like that too. If we are constantly forcing pleasantries on ourselves we are not giving ourselves the chance to experience the full spectrum of emotions required to maintain a healthy emotional balance. It's no wonder we are considered a Prozac nation...people are so scared to have a sad feeling that they'd rather medicate and stay "positive".

Hey...these are just my thoughts. No gospel here, but just something to think about the next time you want to cry, scream or slap a fool. Those are just emotions and totally normal for a human being...I say let go and well...let go again :)

K: All I can say is "Can I get a witness?!!" LOLOL I have felt that all this positive schmositive talk was far too narrow in scope all along. Holla, if you're with me!

So...self-esteem and the mad long break :)

Ok, so I bet you're wondering WTH happened to those Savage Women...they were rollin' strong and then disappeared. Well, not exactly...ok there have been graduations, proms, parties, etc., and as parents what can we say? We got a little caught up being proud Mamas LOLOL...

But back to the beat...I've had a lot of time to think about what I want to say here about self-esteem so pull up your beach chair, lawn chair, rocking chair...whatever you wanna sit in and get comfy. The deal is this...by some defintions self-esteem is simply the overall view, impression or evaluation of oneself. Does that sound right? On paper it seems like just this itty bitty, unimportant thing defined by so few words. Reality says that it it can either make or break a person; psychologists align good grades, achievement, accomplishment even ambition with self-esteem. It has even been tied to the choices one makes with their relationships, intimate or friendly. So when you think of it on a broad scale, it's so much bigger than it's small dictionary-style definition or even those articulated by psychologists. In the end, what we know as urban anthropoligists is how it translates into real life.

For example, how many times when you see a fellow female make unfathomable decisions in her life do you often attribute it to her lack of self-esteem. Like, how long is she going to stay with that guy when she knows he does not love her, won't marry her, whatever...fill in the blanks. Or we criticize our bosses abusing their power in the workplace saying this behavior must be due to their low or non-existent self-esteem. Right? So here is the end game...Self-esteem not only impacts how we feel about and treat ourselves but others as well. The implications of self-esteem appear to be far reaching and soul stirring...so talk to the Savage Women...we want to know what's up with your self-esteem? where does it stand? how do you keep it healthy?

I'm told by a trusted source (which means I can't tell you who it is or they can't trust me :), that self-esteem can be improved by being attentive in the main areas of our lives. Like making sure you're in good physical, mental and spiritual shape; ensuring that your financial house is in order; being able to trust yourself and your instincts and having a positive self-image. Listen, society runs us down with images of "beauty" and "success" that are not necessarily right for everyone. Let's face it, we are not all born to be supermodel-types ok? Face it! But we are beautiful, amazing, intelligent, dynamic and perfect even if we're not on the runway or in movies or videos, you hear me? You are the star in your own show...so rock it fiercely!

We wanna hear back from you...so let us know what you're thinking. This is a conversation started by women for women. And men...if you have something good to say we want to hear from you too :)...so let it rip!

Self Esteem Research: How did we get this way?

Ladies, ladies, ladies.....How did we get this way? When did we start putting ourselves last? Now don't say you put yourself first because we know that just isn't true. We watched our moms do it day in and day out. We put the kids, spouse, job, everything before our mental and physical health. Then we delude ourselves into thinking we put ourselves first with a spa day. Remember when you were little and ran sh*t. We walked around in our cute little dresses and pig tails telling folks what we wanted fully expecting to have our needs satisfied and our requests met. It never occured to us that anything or anyone came before us. Some of us even regulated whole households, rapping knuckles with rulers. LOLOL That regulating didn't stop at home either. We regulated in school too! Telling our classmates to fall in line or suffer the wrath! I remember those days vividly. Kindergarten....telling Dion that he was the daddy and eat this play doh!! Guess what? He did it. They all did it!! We little girls ruled and the world fell in line.

Now you wonder where that empowered little girl disappeared to?! It all started with "she talks too much". Those words are the bain of every woman's existence. They were certainly mine, first hearing them in grade school. Then we move to middle school and here comes "You think too much". Some dumb boy trying to tell me I didn't see him making eyes at the other girl in front of me. Hit adulthood and start to make families....a marriage falls apart and women everywhere hear "You give too much". It is a methodical way of censorship. Take away our voices and soon the body will follow blindly!

So how does any of this affect self esteem? Imagine never feeling like there is a proper time to express yourself. All grown up and we've learned that "talking too much" is wrong, after that "thinking too much" is annoying and "giving too much" is disasterous. Giving too much is the nail in "LAST ON THE LIST" coffin. By making ourselves last to be taken care of, we put our health in jeapardy. Female censorship unchecked leads to all kinds of health issues not to mention the stress associated with repression. Society has us so snowed that even in the advent of feminism we are still expected to do it all...expected to be Superwomen capes and all. Once we put ourselves last, we give the people in our lives permission to put us last too. What is soo annoying is that after being told we are too talkative, smart and compassionate from first grade on up....our censorship becomes self inflicted.

We need to start thinking of ourselves like mother ducks. Every depiction shows Mama first. FIRST!! Not last, not middle. FIRST!! Let's take a page from nature and tell the kids, hubby, work, everybody...."Everybody Gets What They Want, Especially Me!"