Self Esteem Research: How did we get this way?

Ladies, ladies, ladies.....How did we get this way? When did we start putting ourselves last? Now don't say you put yourself first because we know that just isn't true. We watched our moms do it day in and day out. We put the kids, spouse, job, everything before our mental and physical health. Then we delude ourselves into thinking we put ourselves first with a spa day. Remember when you were little and ran sh*t. We walked around in our cute little dresses and pig tails telling folks what we wanted fully expecting to have our needs satisfied and our requests met. It never occured to us that anything or anyone came before us. Some of us even regulated whole households, rapping knuckles with rulers. LOLOL That regulating didn't stop at home either. We regulated in school too! Telling our classmates to fall in line or suffer the wrath! I remember those days vividly. Kindergarten....telling Dion that he was the daddy and eat this play doh!! Guess what? He did it. They all did it!! We little girls ruled and the world fell in line.

Now you wonder where that empowered little girl disappeared to?! It all started with "she talks too much". Those words are the bain of every woman's existence. They were certainly mine, first hearing them in grade school. Then we move to middle school and here comes "You think too much". Some dumb boy trying to tell me I didn't see him making eyes at the other girl in front of me. Hit adulthood and start to make families....a marriage falls apart and women everywhere hear "You give too much". It is a methodical way of censorship. Take away our voices and soon the body will follow blindly!

So how does any of this affect self esteem? Imagine never feeling like there is a proper time to express yourself. All grown up and we've learned that "talking too much" is wrong, after that "thinking too much" is annoying and "giving too much" is disasterous. Giving too much is the nail in "LAST ON THE LIST" coffin. By making ourselves last to be taken care of, we put our health in jeapardy. Female censorship unchecked leads to all kinds of health issues not to mention the stress associated with repression. Society has us so snowed that even in the advent of feminism we are still expected to do it all...expected to be Superwomen capes and all. Once we put ourselves last, we give the people in our lives permission to put us last too. What is soo annoying is that after being told we are too talkative, smart and compassionate from first grade on up....our censorship becomes self inflicted.

We need to start thinking of ourselves like mother ducks. Every depiction shows Mama first. FIRST!! Not last, not middle. FIRST!! Let's take a page from nature and tell the kids, hubby, work, everybody...."Everybody Gets What They Want, Especially Me!"

For Immediate Release: A Self Esteem Public Service Announcement

This is an important urgent announcement for all my ladies. Take off your blindfolds kittens, there is an infectious disease currently being spread and it's called Low Self-Esteem and will have your overall self-worth hovering somewhere around the orange threat level.

Now, I know what you're thinking...that you love yourself above all else and how dare I even bring a fellow woman's self-esteem into question. Like who do I think I am? Uhm...I'm a Savage Woman and this is what we do. And...I hear what you're saying, but I also see what you're doing and The Savage Women always say that we can detect your true heart's desire because it will be in direct alignment with your words and actions. So guess what? I don't care if you say that you love yourself if for example you keep complaining that you want to lose weight, but you don't take the necessary steps to move in the direction of your desire, then it brings your self-worth into question. And if you have physical symptoms that indicate something's just not right anywhere in your lovely body and you bypass a visit to your doctor because you're "too busy"...you might want to re-evaluate that self-esteem and self-worth.

Now, I don't blame you dear...we have all become a product of our society which isn't exactly cheering the ladies on to take a moment to breathe never mind care for our bodies, minds and souls without wearing the label "high maintenance" or "spoiled". So basically I need to wait until I need an EMT and hospitalization before my self-care is considered important? C'mon really, right? I mean is that sick or what?

Can you imagine that we may actually spend more time and money identifying and securing the perfect handbags and shoes than ensuring perfect health? Now baby, I love a beautiful handbag like the next girl, but it completely defies logic that women will say they cannot afford alternative health treatments and go out the next day and blow her pesos on something not quite as significant as her health. Let's not even talk about how low-self esteem impacts our health as we suffer from hyptertension/high blood pressure, depression, anxiety and autoimmune diseases which studies have shown often surface during extremely stressful times in our lives like oh, jacked up relationships or horrendous work environments where we feel oppressed, undervalued and generally forced into silent submission. All of this impacts our self-esteem, slowly breaking us down to the point of mental, physical, spiritual and emotional exhaustion. So no wonder we don't have energy to go to the freakin' gym!!!

So lovelies, this week, the Savage Women are all about identifying how low self-esteem runs amok in our lives how we can wage war and slay that beast once and for all! Even if you lost it some years back on the bumpy road of life, we're gonna find it and take it back!!! So keep coming back...this ought to get really interesting :)

More Dumb Relationship Advice

K:

See, my biggest problem with the bad advice is that it is rarely given to truly solve anything. It reminds me of Chris Rock's statement "The money is in the medicine, not the cure". If any of this advice were functional or accurate then someone would be out of a job, huh? Some columnist would have to find something else to advise lazy, non-self reflecting folks on and frankly, advice on relationships is a total goldmine. So out spews tons of bad advice to men and women with no real regard for the outcomes. I noticed the new advice to women is that rich men like women with long hair. Are they really serious? Right now, I have to admit the most questionable advice of recent is Steve Harvey's book, Act like a Woman - Think like a Man.

Now I know there will be many a wrinkled brow at my opinion of this book as I find much of it to be hogwash. Yeah I really mean that, trust! I had to force myself to read that book and by chapter 3 I was ill. Not because I found out I was doing everything wrong with my current relationship, but because my questioning mind is always curious when anyone claims to have solved age old dilemna's. Let me tell you, the book is such a page turner because of Steve's cool guy style of advice. Like he's dispensing information so new flava I must have missed all these 30 some odd years. First, he declares that men are simple. Hmmm, well that I kinda figured that out the first time Dion pulled my pony tails in kindergarten because I declared him the daddy at playtime and fed him play-do. No new revelations exposed here!

Believe me, the only thing Steve has on me is age. I have been married almost as many times and was not left once. I always did the walking out. So the only other difference between me and Steve is gender and that fact that I don't think I've got all the answers. My main reason for experiencing a gag reflex at Steve's down home advice is ultimately he appears to put the responsibility and possible success of the relationship on women. Where is the male accountability? I mean couldn't Steve at least make his crackpot false manipulation of women seem more profound?!!

L:

LMBO...long hair?!? Here's my thing...not only do I find his advice insulting to a certain degree because I'm a woman and he does seem to put much of the burden at our doorstep, but also because I don't think men are as simple as he portrays. If I were a man being called simple by another dude, I think I'd almost be postal...that and the fact that he is providing all this sage advice based primarly on his failures...like we always say..."Don't ask a bum how to become a millionaire." It does also concern me that folks seem to hand out this advice like it is the cure and yet they have know idea how the receiver interprets or implements the advice. As an aspiring writer, I think it's great that Steve was able to develop a storyline, find a publisher willing to put it out in print and even managed to score a spot on Oprah, but other than that...I remain unphased, unimpressed and underwhelmed. I feel like he has basically found a way to capitalize on his failed relationships and exploit his less than stellar life choices.

What I really want to see are statements from his ex-wives or girlfriends to serve as a character witness for this guy. And you're right, the great thing about relationship advice is that there's never enough or too much because relationships are multi-dimensional and unique to the individuals involved. As varied and numerous as the many human combinations that make up couples, there are thrice that number in issues that they need solved...it's really like the song that never ends that we learn in preschool...it goes on and on my friend...the key to finding the right advice is the same as finding the right partner...know and love yourself first!!!

Dumb Relationship Advice

L:

So in my post oral surgery recovery haze on Friday I decided to kick back and check in with some mags I haven't had a chance to catch up on lately. Enter Cosmo with a small piece called "Dumb Advice Your Guy is Getting". Immediately I start laughing because while this might be somewhat earth shattering for some...so not for me. I know there's so much truly idiotic relationship advice swirling about it's enough to make you want to hit the freakin' RESET button ya know?

So basically, the ridiculous advice being handed out by http://www.becomeaplayer.com/ is schooling our objects of affection to crank up the mega-kilowatt charm on us kittens for a 24 hour period and then go into blackout mode for the subsequent 24 hour period...with the belief that we will then be so wonton in our desire we won't be able to stop thinking about them. LMBO...are they really serious? And who are the women they used in this little study? Personally, I can spot that game a mile away and guess what? Homey don't play it...No self-respecting woman I know will fall for that nonsense. If you don't call me in attempts to make me somehow desire you more, then don't call again. Because unless you broke all your fingers or you were kidnapped at gunpoint and dragged off to another country, I know you can use the phone and I will now be ignoring you. I cannot believe people actually still follow this crap in the hopes of finding anything meaningful. It doesn't even have to be true love, but c'mon people...let's at least keep it real between each other. The Savage Women say the truth is all we know how to deal with...everything else is just well...craptastic! Right K?

K:

LOL It is all soo unbelievable?! Dumb relationship advice being given out faster than lollipops at the doctor's office. So I guess the idea is to have us pacing our living rooms, spoon in one hand, Ben & Jerry's in the other, all in frantic anticipation of their call. Hmmm, I saw a post online recently about the reasons men don't call. All ranging from he's just not that interested to he is out hanging with the fellas. I had to chime in and remind the poser, uh mean, poster what made this all so hilarious to me. As I get older, I find more often than not, I don't care if he calls and frankly, I even forget he was supposed to call in the first place! LOL Not because I am some amazing woman who has conquered all the tricks to dating. Not even close. I forget and/or don't care mainly because my life is too busy to wonder about some man gracing me with his call.

I am sure there are alot of women like me out there. We are mothers, business owners, sisters, friends with so much stuff to do and things we want to do...that ultimately I say, "Get in where you can fit in!". This is not to say that I don't have time for men. I absolutely do, but I have goals and a schedule too! So forgive me if that dumb advice comes across as foolishness at best or assanine at its worst. Call me if you're interested, but please remember it is not just about you. So if you think 24hours will give me time to remember your call, think again. In 24hours I am probably on the arm of some thoughtful man who didn't wait at all. Early Bird gets the Worm! LOL

L:

K, you are killin' me! But that's so right. I mean this advice is based on the screwed up belief that we are such 3D losers that we have nothing better to do with our 24 hours than to spend it thinking about this cat. Mind you they don't offer any advice as to what to do when the idiot reappears after the 24 hour blackout only to discover "I'm just not that into you" and I'm not taking your calls...turnaround is fair play B..."you're done!" now get some advice for that. LOL